Warning: This post contains NSFW images of a fish-man dildo.
Best picture Oscar nominee Shape of Waterinvited viewers to imagine exactly what the mechanics of fish-man sex entail. But the merely implied explanation still leaves the age-old question of "what does a fish-man dick look like?eroticism eroticism" wide open for speculation.
But fear not. Because that's what Tumblr's for.
XenoCatArtifacts created an actual Shape of Water-inspired dildo to fulfill all our marine-based kink needs. But it's important to note that, as far as the film's cinematic universe is concerned, the dildo is not canonically(or anatomically) correct.
But why spoil the fun with semantics?
XenoCat's Etsy store is known for selling all manner of hand-crafted, fantastically-themed, monster-curious sex toys, with a tagline that asks, "Are you ready to embrace the unknown?" And well, we sure know what movie protagonist Elisa's answer to that is.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable But the question of exactly howElisa embraced the unknown -- in the penetrative sense -- remains ambiguous.
When pressed for details in the movie, Elisa makes some vaguely horrifying door-opening gesture for demonstration. The rest is left up to our imagination. But, lord help us, because my mind could only imagine it as some male version of the gooey fish holes seen in the Polish indie mermaid movie The Lure. Or, more horrifying still, that time I saw dolphin sex at the zoo as a kid.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable But the 6-inch Jewel of the Amazon dildo, as XenoCat has dubbed it, is more accessible than all that. It not only comes complete with a glowing UV light, but it also boasts a marbled blend of gold, vibrant blue, and the deepestof sea greens.
"Draw a bath and embrace your lover in the light or in the dark as you ride the waves and get caught in the afterglow," the description suggests. But its careful to make clear that an egg timer is notincluded and sold separately.
The five star reviews of Jewel of the Amazon rave that, "The pictures can't do this boy any justice," while another assured that, "the ridged fins don’t feel as harsh as they look." There's no word on whether Jewel of the Amazon realistically recreates the presumable slime factor of fish-man monster genitalia, but wetness is -- of course -- at the discretion of the user.
While the Jewel of the Amazon is sold out, io9 (who originally reported the discovery) confirmed that a limited supply would be back just in time for the Oscars!
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