【Taste of Secret Sex】

We're well into the second season of Trump: The Taste of Secret SexPresidency, and Omarosa — who was supposed to have left after season one — keeps worming her way back into every episode.

This week brings us Omarosa's book Unhinged, a "juicy" tell-all about her brief tenure in the White House and her relationship with President Trump. To be fair, there isn't that much, thematically, that will surprise the reader. We're all too aware of the chaos in the White House.

What is (sort of) novel about Unhinged is the grotesque specificity of its detail. Omarosa seems to take real pleasure in exposing each and every one of the Trump administration's weaknesses — as well as every single of one of her mighty strengths.

Love or hate the character, Omarosa delivers.

SEE ALSO: About that Omarosa book: This is what complicity looks like

To be fair, most of the book is an elaborate defense of Omarosa … written by Omarosa. But there's enough juicy detail to make this entire listicle — not the book, sorry — worth reading.

Here are the most unhinged parts of Omarosa's Unhinged.

1. Omarosa didn't realize Trump was racist until much later

Via Giphy

Omarosa claims that she didn't realize how much of a racist Trump was until around the time she left the White House in 2017.

"My certainty about the N-word tape and his frequent uses of that word were the top of a high mountain of truly appalling things I'd experienced with him, during the last two years in particular. It had finally sunk in that the person I thought I'd known so well for so long was actually a racist."

It took a tape, Omarosa? Anyone who spent more than five minutes watching the Trump campaign could have told you this. The president has called Mexican immigrants rapists and compared immigrants to snakes. He argued that the Central Park Five, all of them young black men, should be punished for rape, even after DNA evidence exonerated them all.

Omarosa should have come to her realization shortly after, mmmm, the first moment she met him.

2. Omarosa claims Trump was more racial than racist when she first met him

"As I thought at the time, he is racial, though, in that he uses race and race relations to manipulate people," Omarosa writes. "When people accused him of intolerance, I simply couldn't see it."

I'm not sure what the difference here is between "racial" and "racist." I'm also pretty sure that racial, used the way Omarosa describes it, is not a word.

3. Trump allegedly told Don Jr. that he should get himself some nice ass

Now, this is a good detail. I know, I know, it's profoundly depressing — a father/president shouldn't be referring to women as a piece of "ass," especially in front of his very impressionable, little-bit-dumb son. Also, Don Jr.'s wife was pregnant at the time. Still, imagining Trump say to Don Jr., "You've got to get ass like that. You've got to get ass like that," did make me laugh. For what it's worth, I abandoned my moral compass in order to enjoy this book, and I encourage you to do the same.

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4. The president sleeps with a tanning bed instead of Melania

Omarosa claims that the president uses a tanning bed in the mornings, which shouldn't come as a surprise. What is alarming is this next sentence: "Now imagine the president, in his room in the residence, with only his tanning bed for company (Melania sleeps in her own room down the hall)."

All of us palace intrigue sleuths could have surmised the latter. And part of me enjoys the thought of the president befriending and humanizing his tanning bed. Omarosa even claims that he fired an assistant for mishandling the bed. There's no way to verify this statement, but, fictional or not, it's a great, nasty image.

5. Omarosa says Hope Hicks didn't know what "GOTV" meant and wore "diaphanous summer dresses in the middle of winter, the opposite of traditional Washington style"

Via Giphy

As a writer, I was a little bit excited to see the word "diaphanous" used in a take-down. That's the type of word someone who really wants to impress others with their GRE score might use.

I'm not entirely surprised that Hope Hicks didn't know what it meant to get out the vote. I was, however, a little bit shocked to learn that Omarosa did.

6. Omarosa implies that Trump may have had an affair with a televangelist

Omarosa claims that she wasn't able to run the Office of the Public Liaison because Paula White, Trump's spiritual advisor, counseled him against it. When Omarosa was later "surprised" to learn that White was delivering the invocation at the inauguration, she was told that White and Trump enjoyed a "special relationship."

"I was not sure what to make of this," Omarosa writes. "I had certainly never heard of anything that made me wonder about the nature of their relationship before (or since). But I could not stop myself from contemplating whether her position as spiritual advisor had ever been missionary."

Mic drop! Yes, Omarosa implies that Trump and White may have had missionary sex. I nearly burned my eyes with Clorox after reading this passage.

7. She claims Scaramucci cried when he got fired and it was a "girly cry"

Via Giphy

"Anthony walked out, made a left by the chief of staff's office, where all the assistants sat, stepped into a little cubby-like office, and started crying," Omarosa writes. "One of the assistants saw and heard the whole thing. She described it as a 'girly cry.'"

This is some spiteful shit. I'm not sure whether it's true or not, but the next claim Omarosa makes should go unchallenged. It appears to come straight from her Reality Villain heart.

"I like to think that somewhere in the West Wing, Sean Spicer was still rambling around in the final days of his grace period, heard Anthony's high-pitched, plaintive wail, and smiled."

8. Omarosa claims that Trump thought Jared Kushner was gay

Jared Kushner is typically seen as a useless, corrupt dilettante by the left and a effeminate, globalist dandy by the right. According to Omarosa, Trump considers Kushner something else: gay.

"When he and Ivanka first started dating," Omarosa writes, "I asked Donald what he thought of Jared. 'He seems a little 'sweet' to me,' he said, using his phrasing for 'gay.'"

9. Trump though Harriet Tubman was too ugly to be put on the $20 bill

Trump has expressed similar opinions about Rosie O'Donnell and a host of other women, so this one's not unexpected. Still, it's pretty shocking to hear the president go after an American hero/former slave, especially given his relationship with Frederick Douglass.

"When flipping through the folder, he came to the picture of Tubman, the woman who personally brought more than 300 slaves to freedom, risking her own life every time, and said to me, 'You want to put that face on the $20 bill?'"

The President of the United States of America, everyone!

10. Trump ate paper

Via Giphy

This is my favorite part of Unhinged. According to Omarosa, Trump ate a top secret paper after Omarosa walked in on a meeting he was having with Michael Cohen.

"I guess they didn’t know that he would pocket sensitive notes or that once, after a meeting in the Oval with Michael Cohen, I saw him put a note in his mouth," Omarosa writes. "Since Trump was ever the germaphobe, I was shocked he appeared to be chewing and swallowing the paper. It must have been something very, very sensitive."

If there was a way I could eatUnhingedso no one else would have to read it, I would. Until then, I'll be pulling my copy out at parties, delivering each juicy detail, and relishing — against my will — every single self-serving moment of it.

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